Closure

When I have time on my hands which isn't often, I love to take photographs of the great outdoors. Above is a picture I took along the Scenic Byway of The Huron National Forest here in Michigan. It was taken at Iargo Springs. To even get to this place one must walk hundreds of steps down a steep incline. The waters at Iargo Springs were dubbed "healing waters" by the Native American tribes of that area long ago. Many people flock here to take in the good energy this water has to offer with the hopes of receiving some sort of healing. At the time I visited Iargo my own grief was still quite overwhelming from losing my mother to cancer. You would think as a medium that I could just sit around every day and receive communication or messages from her, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I let these rushing waters run through my fingers with my eyes squeezed closed, and begged please heal me waters, and take this pain away from me. Give me closure. I just need some sort of closure! I have to admit that the whole experience was wonderful and I did feel a little lighter as I gave my pain over to the healing waters to be carried away from me. BUT it didn't last. I continued to have this overwhelming sense of needing something more to close up the gaping wounds. What did that mean though? I was with her in the last days and moments of her life. I said everything I needed or wanted to say to her which is more than most people get when they lose a loved one. It took many months for me to get a handle on it, but I figured it out. I needed validation from her. I wanted to know she was proud of me, and approved of my choices in my life both past and present. It seemed silly, but it all came down to this constant pang of guilt in choices made or not made in regards to her health care. Did I do enough? Should I have encouraged other courses of treatment? The list of questions went on and on. I knew deep down she was okay and at peace. I had connected with her enough to know she crossed into the light and was with family and friends on the other side. But as her child I was still looking for her validation and approval just as any child does whether they are 2 yrs old or 40 yrs old. We need to know our parents approve of us. Keep in mind, I was 31 when she passed away. So, recently I came in contact with a close friend from my past. We will call him "Martin". Martin lost his father suddenly when he was a young boy of around age 7 or 8. I'm sure over the years he has asked those that actually knew his dad plenty of questions about his father and received many answers as well about his father's hobbies, his friends, personality, likes and dislikes, etc.
Over the years he has led a pretty decent life. Good family, and good friends. A boy eventually became a man without his father's physical presence in his life. In our younger years I always knew that Martin missed his father terribly. It wasn't really a subject talked about too often, but as an empath (feeler) I could sense his pain even in the mundane moments. A certain sort of emptiness in his eyes that always managed to tug at my heartstrings. It was clear that Martin's hobbies and interests followed in his father's footsteps so there was this part of Martin that was always keeping his deceased father alive. Now you might be wondering why I didn't just give him a reading and make it all better. Well I sort of tried, but he wasn't open to it at that time. Looking back though I realize I wouldn't have been able to give him the sort of reading he needed and deserved because my gifts as a medium weren't nurtured by an means at that time. Recently I was blessed with the opportunity to do a reading for him. Its been 30 yrs since he lost his father. After the session was done I had an ah-ha moment. Martin was needing the same kind of closure I had needed from my mom, only he has been wanting that validation most of his life! During the session Martin didn't lead me in any direction. Meaning he didn't say things like "So does my dad like my new truck"? Or "Does he like that I named my child after him"? He let me do most of the talking (which is always best and most validating for the sitter and for the medium) except for one thing every now and then he would ask, "Does he have anything to say to me"? I was thinking, yeah he has just spent the last hour saying tons of things to you! But...it was the confirmation that his father approved of his life choices, his successes, and even his failures. I do feel Martin received those answers from his dad, and I do believe it brought him some healing. Of course nothing is like hearing it in the flesh, but this is the next best thing. At least until they meet again on the other side. The even bigger ah-ha moment for me was that in putting all this together I understand FINALLY what closure is really all about. It isn't at all about tying up loose ends. It certainly isn't about saying goodbye one last time as we have led ourselves to believe. It is about receiving validation and approval from the person who is no longer in your life. Think about it! Stop for a moment and think through those people you've been needing closure with for so long. This doesn't even necessarily relate to someone that has physically died. Maybe you've had a friendship that ended badly, or a love relationship that fell apart and you've went your separate ways. Whom ever you are longing for some "closure" with, you are looking for their approval! So swish that one around in your brain, and then decide who is truly worthy of a closure moment with YOU. It's completely normal for a child that has lost a parent such as Martin to look for the kind of answers he has been questioning for so long, but does it truly matter what your ex friend, lover, boss, etc thinks of you? No. Look within for your closure. You only need to spend that energy on love and approval of yourself and once you master that gift of inner peace, then the idea of tying up those loose ends with the past won't seem so important anymore.
Peace to you :)
Chantal