Closure

When I have time on my hands which isn't often, I love to take photographs of the great outdoors. Above is a picture I took along the Scenic Byway of The Huron National Forest here in Michigan. It was taken at Iargo Springs. To even get to this place one must walk hundreds of steps down a steep incline. The waters at Iargo Springs were dubbed "healing waters" by the Native American tribes of that area long ago. Many people flock here to take in the good energy this water has to offer with the hopes of receiving some sort of healing. At the time I visited Iargo my own grief was still quite overwhelming from losing my mother to cancer. You would think as a medium that I could just sit around every day and receive communication or messages from her, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I let these rushing waters run through my fingers with my eyes squeezed closed, and begged please heal me waters, and take this pain away from me. Give me closure. I just need some sort of closure! I have to admit that the whole experience was wonderful and I did feel a little lighter as I gave my pain over to the healing waters to be carried away from me. BUT it didn't last. I continued to have this overwhelming sense of needing something more to close up the gaping wounds. What did that mean though? I was with her in the last days and moments of her life. I said everything I needed or wanted to say to her which is more than most people get when they lose a loved one. It took many months for me to get a handle on it, but I figured it out. I needed validation from her. I wanted to know she was proud of me, and approved of my choices in my life both past and present. It seemed silly, but it all came down to this constant pang of guilt in choices made or not made in regards to her health care. Did I do enough? Should I have encouraged other courses of treatment? The list of questions went on and on. I knew deep down she was okay and at peace. I had connected with her enough to know she crossed into the light and was with family and friends on the other side. But as her child I was still looking for her validation and approval just as any child does whether they are 2 yrs old or 40 yrs old. We need to know our parents approve of us. Keep in mind, I was 31 when she passed away. So, recently I came in contact with a close friend from my past. We will call him "Martin". Martin lost his father suddenly when he was a young boy of around age 7 or 8. I'm sure over the years he has asked those that actually knew his dad plenty of questions about his father and received many answers as well about his father's hobbies, his friends, personality, likes and dislikes, etc.
Over the years he has led a pretty decent life. Good family, and good friends. A boy eventually became a man without his father's physical presence in his life. In our younger years I always knew that Martin missed his father terribly. It wasn't really a subject talked about too often, but as an empath (feeler) I could sense his pain even in the mundane moments. A certain sort of emptiness in his eyes that always managed to tug at my heartstrings. It was clear that Martin's hobbies and interests followed in his father's footsteps so there was this part of Martin that was always keeping his deceased father alive. Now you might be wondering why I didn't just give him a reading and make it all better. Well I sort of tried, but he wasn't open to it at that time. Looking back though I realize I wouldn't have been able to give him the sort of reading he needed and deserved because my gifts as a medium weren't nurtured by an means at that time. Recently I was blessed with the opportunity to do a reading for him. Its been 30 yrs since he lost his father. After the session was done I had an ah-ha moment. Martin was needing the same kind of closure I had needed from my mom, only he has been wanting that validation most of his life! During the session Martin didn't lead me in any direction. Meaning he didn't say things like "So does my dad like my new truck"? Or "Does he like that I named my child after him"? He let me do most of the talking (which is always best and most validating for the sitter and for the medium) except for one thing every now and then he would ask, "Does he have anything to say to me"? I was thinking, yeah he has just spent the last hour saying tons of things to you! But...it was the confirmation that his father approved of his life choices, his successes, and even his failures. I do feel Martin received those answers from his dad, and I do believe it brought him some healing. Of course nothing is like hearing it in the flesh, but this is the next best thing. At least until they meet again on the other side. The even bigger ah-ha moment for me was that in putting all this together I understand FINALLY what closure is really all about. It isn't at all about tying up loose ends. It certainly isn't about saying goodbye one last time as we have led ourselves to believe. It is about receiving validation and approval from the person who is no longer in your life. Think about it! Stop for a moment and think through those people you've been needing closure with for so long. This doesn't even necessarily relate to someone that has physically died. Maybe you've had a friendship that ended badly, or a love relationship that fell apart and you've went your separate ways. Whom ever you are longing for some "closure" with, you are looking for their approval! So swish that one around in your brain, and then decide who is truly worthy of a closure moment with YOU. It's completely normal for a child that has lost a parent such as Martin to look for the kind of answers he has been questioning for so long, but does it truly matter what your ex friend, lover, boss, etc thinks of you? No. Look within for your closure. You only need to spend that energy on love and approval of yourself and once you master that gift of inner peace, then the idea of tying up those loose ends with the past won't seem so important anymore.
Peace to you :)
Chantal

Happy Holidays!

Go ahead and turn on the television or open up to your favorite browser and you'll find anything and everything that relates to the holidays right now. Food, gifts, vacations, and decorating ideas, but you won't find much advertisement on how to handle good ol holiday grief! I'm speaking of the kind of grief one experiences in connection to deeply missing someone that has passed into the afterlife. The holidays are a tough time when you've endured such a loss. Even if many years have gone by, the holiday season can be extremely tough on the family and friends that were left behind. I believe the reason this time of year pulls on one's heart strings a bit more than the ordinary times is that this is the time of year when we come together with family and friends, and suddenly the absence of that someone special becomes much more noticeable. It's definitely more difficult during the holidays to try and move beyond the hurt that your significant other, child, mother, father, grandparent, sister, brother,etc. inevitably left you with upon their departure from this world. You quietly take notice as to who isn't sitting at the dinner table with everyone else that is laughing, eating, drinking and having a dandy time. Suddenly the wound that has been bandaged up becomes exposed. Something I would like to share with you is that togetherness draws our loved ones from the other side into our energy as we commune with our family and friends! The sad thing is we often pretend that we aren't hurting, or that we aren't missing that special person. Often grief is treated like a virus, no one wants to catch it so we don't go around spreading our hurt amongst others. We are socially guided to put on the happy face and be jolly. But you know what? Your loved one(s) deserve to be honored. Just as you deserve to feel comfortable in mentioning their absence. You should reminisce about them because they are still alive, just in another form beyond our true understanding. How would you like to go to a family function and be ignored? I am not saying you should give them their own seat at the table with a place setting!! There are healthy ways to bring them into the holiday celebration, and honor the love you shared in this lifetime. It's about keeping the memories alive, and allowing healing to take place for the living. I'd like to share some ideas that can be added into any holiday celebration easily and can really help a grieving family cope during this time of year.
WAYS YOU CAN HONOR AND REMEMBER DEPARTED LOVED ONES

1. Sit around a table or simply get in a circle with friends and family. Have someone start with either (their choice) I remember when so and so......OR the thing I miss most about so and so.......OR....My favorite holiday memory with so and so....(work clockwise)
2. Put out a magnetic picture board or felt board and ask everyone ahead of time to bring a picture to share, and then talk about the time in the photo and share those memories!
3. Give each person present a candle. Moving clockwise around the room, and have each person light a candle in honor/memory of the deceased. After lighting the candle say something like I was grateful to know so and so, or My favorite memory of so and so is...you get the point. At the end of the candle lighting have someone say a prayer for the people present wishing everyone good health, happiness, love, etc.
   
4. We like to honor my mom by doing a shot of Bailey's because that was her favorite holiday drink. A toast is always a nice way to commemorate someone that has passed on.
5. If your family likes to dance, play their favorite music. Dance and be merry!
6. Have everyone bring a dish of his or her favorite food or be creative and come up with your own idea based around your own family traditions.

The point of all this is to make this person(s) a part of your celebration and remove the so called "elephant" in the room. This helps everyone become comfortable with talking about the individual that is not on the earth plane any longer. Sometimes people don't feel it is "ok" to bring them up because it might cause pain. Trust me, you will all be laughing and crying but it will be a great time!
You wouldn't believe the healing that can come from such simple exercises like the ones above.
Blessings and love,
Chantal

Divine Intervention

I am so blessed to have been connected with so many amazing individuals through my life work. Every day I get to take part in the lives of people from all over the world, and although each person is unique and living lives specific to their life missions it is clear they all have a couple things in common. The obvious is they all have experienced death, having lost someone they hold close to their heart, and the other is that divine intervention has happened in their life in some way. Some call it luck, others call it coincidence, but most just call them blessings and miracles. For instance, How did *Amy* walk away from a car accident with just a few bumps and bruises, but her three friends in the vehicle all perished? How could it be that an entire family passes in a house fire except for their two year old toddler? Why did a close friend of mine suddenly choose not to go on her business trip at the last minute, to later find out the plane crashed and there were no survivors? Recently a very dear friend of mine was in a terrible boating accident with his mother. She passed instantly, and there is literally no logical reason with the injuries he sustained that he should be alive, and at the least he should be (logically speaking) paralyzed. He is alive and well and suffered no paralyzing effects on his body. Another important factor to this story is there were supposed to be two other individuals from his family in this boat. At the last minute they decided to not take the annual family fishing trip. If they had gone on the trip the chance that they would have survived the accident is very low. There is no explanation for these happenings in my opinion other than the simple fact that these lives as mentioned were spared for some higher purpose. These are all miraculous experiences that shouldn't be ignored. The question is why do some people die and others make it out alive in such situations? The easiest answer is that it was time for the souls that lost their life to return home to Creator for a higher purpose beyond our understanding. Those that were granted more time on the earth plane were given another chance at life to fulfill a greater purpose. Often events like this cause the spared individual to experience a sense of guilt for still being here when they feel they should have died too. It's an inner feeling of cheating death. (a.k.a. Survivor's guilt) The fact of the matter is what we see as cheating death is truly just divine intervention on behalf of the individual whose life was spared. This life has more living to do. At the same time the lives that were taken from us were meant to cross over or they wouldn't have, and that is a truth that is often hard to swallow for many people, including myself. We don't always get the answers to why things happen the way they do, but in time we notice there is always a higher purpose involved. It may take years to come to this conclusion, but as events unfold the answers will be revealed. It seems that miracles often give those that have experienced such an extraordinary ordeal an opportunity to really take some personal inventory. I feel very strongly that miracles are supposed to be wake up calls. Am I fulfilling my life purpose? Why am I here? What is my gift, and am I using all my potential to make a difference in the world in some way? Since each of cause some sort of ripple effect with our actions each and every day, just imagine if we were all in alignment with higher self/highest good. None of us are here by chance. We are all living aspects of Creators love. We are gifts to the universe and when we are no longer needed on the earth plane we return to the other side. Since you are here and especially if you have been chosen specially via divine intervention then it is time (if you haven't already started) to dig down deep within yourself to bring out the gifts you have to share with your family, friends, community and beyond. Even if you haven't had a light bulb moment from the universe these are questions that you could ask your self too. If you choose not to then maybe it will take some divine intervention to get you on track ;) So start digging deep, and make the choice live your best life. Don't just make ripples...make some waves!
Blessings,
Chantal

Crossroads

Often I speak with individuals that are at a place in their life where they feel lost or directionless. Maybe their job is boring and not fulfilling or they've been laid off from a job with little or no future career prospects due to the economy or a lack of education. It's also common for people to cross my path that simply feel a need to pick up and physically move to another state or country in search of something they can't quite place their finger on, but know they need to go. I call it getting "itchy" for something new. The soul is an amazing energy that lives within each one of us, and it is constantly plugged into Creator, or all that is. Prior to our incarnation into this lifetime our soul creates a life map. We choose ahead of time which souls we will encounter along our life journey. Our soul chooses the whens, hows, and whys to most all major events and relationships. The kicker is that once you are born into body form you forget all those predestined plans and get to live what we call life. Add in some free will and it sort of becomes a big free for all. But in essence it isn't, because the universal soul within is always trying to guide us to our highest good so that we can learn all the lessons needed to achieve some sort of bliss in this physical life. It's our own ego (fearful human side) that often tries going against the grain by feeding into doubt. The term "go with the flow" should be the mantra we all live by. It's when we get caught up in fear and negative thinking that we lose our way. It is better to get the hell out of the way and let your inner self guide you to the next fork in the road, and allow it to show you which way to go that which will be in your highest good as well as the universe. So how do we do that? If you lose your job and you know unemployment will only last so long it isn't easy to just float along the lazy river of life. Well, at least society wants you to believe that to be true. The fact is you lost your job, home, marriage, friendship or just your way in general because your soul map is taking you in another direction leading you to your next adventure. Guess what? You're never really lost. You just feel that way, because sudden change is scary and the unknown is too. For some this is easier to handle simply because they have faith that everything will turn out okay. For others they go into an instant tailspin and call me at 1am because they can't breathe from the anxiety they are feeling. Calm down. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. If you have been backed into a corner by the universe (so to speak) it is telling you it is time for a new take on life. There is opportunity all around you. But what is your soul telling you? For instance, If you've been driving a truck all of your life and all you know is the road and the radio, but deep down you've always wanted to be a massage therapist but never had time to pursue this avenue, but over time it sort of gnaws at you. That gnawing sense is your soul telling you it is your gift, to heal others. But NOooooo you just continue driving down the highway day after day, and collecting your paycheck week after boring week. Then suddenly there is no work for you. You got the pink slip without a moment's notice. Now what? Either no one is hiring or your interviews don't pan out. This is what being backed into the corner is all about, and its time to go within and ask yourself, "What now"? Hey buddy, your soul gave you a chance to make the move into studying massage. The ideas were there, the thoughts persistent. You can only fight destiny so long, and then BAM! So follow through with your dreams. Its that easy, right? Yes. Our soul doesn't ever set us up for failure. You look around yourself and think, but. ..but...but....if...if....on and on with the excuses. If you will sit back for a minute and say to the universe/Creator, I get it now, please show me the way. The next thing you know opportunities and people that are in alignment with your new life path will be showing up on your doorstep. (that would be the part where you trust and go with the flow) Life is about change and growth. Every single day we can learn new ways, thoughts, ideas, etc. This is not a place (earth) that is meant to be stagnant. Just take nature for example. The trees change every 4 months give or take. Right now mine are in full golds, reds, and oranges galore. Soon they will be leafless. Then they will bud out and bring me green leaves to adore in my woods for the summer. You aren't meant to have the same exact job or know only one certain group of people, or love only one individual your whole life. You aren't meant to love only one color or like only one food. Life is about evolving and growing into our best self, and to utilize and SHARE the gifts that each of us uniquely possess via Creator. Don't look back, and think you wasted your time on this or that. You were supposed to do this and that to get you to where you are today. Right now in this moment you are where you are supposed to be, and if your life has taken on sudden changes it is all part of your overall life plan. You are in transition, its time to embrace it so you can ENJOY the ride to the next destination. Just don't get to comfortable, its a big world out there, but thankfully you have a map. Just look within and you will see where it is leading you next ;)
Love and light,
Chantal

Yearning

One question that I am asked on a regular basis is whether or not our loved ones that have crossed over miss us. Do they long for our hugs and kisses? Do they miss our touch, laughter, love, and friendship? The answer is yes. Of course they do! Although it isn't nearly as intense as our longing for them. There are various reasons why their intensity isn't on the same scale. First of all they have the best of both worlds. Eternal life is endless, and has no limitation. Our loved ones in spirit have the opportunity (if they so choose) to cuddle up next to you when your watching the newest episode of Grey's Anatomy or stand near you as you're cooking up a batch of Granny's fried chicken. They are able to still interact with you on some level. You on the other hand do not have the best of both worlds on a constant basis. Sure on occasion the average person will have dream visits with those in the beyond which is an amazing blessing. If you are fortunate enough to be open to your loved ones signs and symbols of life beyond death then you are aware of their occasional presence. I say occasional because our family and friends on the other side don't stalk us. Think about it. Were they constantly around you at all times when they were living in body form? No. There has to be balance in all areas of life and this includes the spirit world. Their life continues and moves forward in heaven as your life does here on earth. Another reason they don't yearn for us in the same way is that they are aware that physicality is just a small part of our life cycle. We are spirit first, body second, and return to spirit. A perfect circle of life. They don't desire touch the way we do, because they are no longer in physical form. They will still embrace us and touch us, but this is for our benefit more than their own. Since we are in solid form and experience life through our senses, they utilize them to awaken us to their presence. Another reason they don't miss us in the same way is because they are extremely aware that you will reunite when it is time for you to leave this world. You might believe this as truth too, but because humans have ego (the part of us that allows in doubt and fears) it is easy to question life beyond death. This leaves us with such a strong yearning for the people that have ultimately left us behind. In essence we haven't been left behind at all. We are essentially still completing our human life missions and living our purpose through Creator. Just as those that have moved into the spirit world are now living out whatever mission and purpose is set out before them. Our loved ones look forward to the day of reunification, and so should you! It is expected and normal to have a deep need to touch your mom's hand, hear your father's laughter, hug your sister, or cuddle your child that has passed on. As you experience those feelings your loved ones in heaven are in tune with your emotions (as their are no limitations of time and space for them) and they almost always respond to you with love.
Love and light,
Chantal

Going Within

Regardless of who you are if you've ever experienced a one hour session with me then you know I don't allow any questions until the end of the session. The main reason I keep this rule of thumb is simply because I don't want the "sitter" leading me in any certain direction. I want to take you on a journey (with spirit) of realization and validation. Usually by the time we reach the end of the session most of the questions have already been answered. The reason for this is because your family and friends in spirit know exactly what is on your mind and in your heart. As I've mentioned before they (spirit) always have the best of both worlds which is why they know so dang much!! :) I go into a reading with an open mind and heart every time as I know each person I speak with is unique as is their life circumstances. The only similarity that I do come across often is self doubt, and a deep need to KNOW the exact way something will play out. This doesn't mean that every one I speak with is in need of answers for what is coming up in life, as many people just need the confirmation that their loved ones are alive and well in spirit and that they're still in some way connected to their life. I call these visit sessions. It's like going to a family reunion! In all sessions the sitter will connect with loved ones, but often they are being given guidance for their life path. Spirit often shows me the fork in the road. If you go this way then this will occur and if you go the other way then this will happen. (of course they always heavily validate the current course so that we know we're on the right track ;)
Many years ago I was told by a mentor to be careful in not leading or misleading someone in any direction, that they need to take the information spirit shares and make their own conclusions and more importantly decisions. This is hard to do sometimes as many people want to hear whatever they WANT to hear. It is also hard for a lot of people to swallow the truth,BUT as a go between for this world and the next it is my job to pass on the messages with complete honesty, clarity, and compassion. At the same time I have to be careful to not interfere. (yes, its like walking a tight rope some days!) There are many many times Monday thru Friday that I want to yell through the phone, "Stop what you are doing and do exactly as I say and everything will be peachy again". Unfortunately no one really learns anything if they are told how to think and how to act. So I give them the fork in the road and my favorite follow up question is....Well, which road am I going to take? hahahaha. Of course I am truthful with what I am shown, but the gift in all of it is you get to choose via the gift of free will! I am constantly receiving emails and calls with phrases like I should of listened and not taken that path, or you were right on and everything you told me came to pass. I don't believe in shoulda coulda or woulda. (throw em all out the window..please :) The bottom line is we learn from all of our experiences and sometimes we need to fall on our faces a few times before we find our balance in life. The biggest gift you can give yourself when you are faced with decisions is to go within. You have an inner voice. You actually listen to it all the time without realizing it. It is the part of you that says "make that dr. appt., turn right instead of left, don't eat that, call your mom, visit your neighbor, etc.
If something doesn't feel right then it probably isn't right. Your inner spirit is your own personal compass. Check in with yourself at least once a day. You don't have to meditate like the Tibetans in order to get the answers you desire. Releasing self doubt and touching in with your divine self will lead you to the answers you seek. If you build a relationship with your authentic self then the guidance you seek is always at hand. I remember one time I was traveling to do a house party about 8 yrs ago, and I suddenly felt the need to turn around and go home. I tried to brush it off, but the feeling got stronger the further I went down the highway. Finally I turned the car around and went home. I wasn't happy about this at all. I didn't want to let the hostess down, and it was like taking a week off with no pay. How could I tell people to follow their gut instinct and completely ignore my own? Needless to say the next morning I found out that a semi crashed which caused a major car pile up on the highway that I was on that day, and the timing would have put me in the middle of the accident!
Make it a point to connect with your inner self. Go within. The answers you seek are available to you, and if you don't get the answer then you apparently weren't meant to know.
A wonderful book and tool for connecting with your inner self/higher self, guides, and angels is
Divine Guidance by Doreen Virtue. Check it out!
Love and light,
Chantal

Taboo

If you've ever experienced losing someone you love then you are aware of the grief that follows. Unfortunately in many instances families and close friends fall into a pattern of not bringing up the individual that has passed on, especially to the person/people that were most affected by the death. This seems to be an automatic defense mechanism to prevent any further emotional stress. If we don't talk about the elephant in the room then the elephant doesn't exist. Unfortunately this couldn't be further from the truth. This doesn't happen because we have forgotten or stopped grieving. It happens because their is such a fear that by talking about the person that crossed over we will or those we love will be sent back into the throws of raw grief. Sadly we as humans are often not comfortable with another person's pain. We don't know what to do with it. If you lost your child, and mine is alive and well, how can I help you? I obviously can't bring your child back. If I talk to you about your child then you will probably cry and break down in a way that I can't fix or make better, which will then lead to me feeling guilty for hurting you. We are programed to fix, fix, fix! Regrettably no one has ever figured out how to heal another man's emotional heartbreak, and because of this we push that pain right under the rug. Again we do this as a way of protection and love for those grieving. Sadly we are causing more damage by making the deceased a taboo subject. It is crucial for the grieving to feel safe enough to reach out and express their feelings. At times the conversation may be related to the actual death, but mostly they want to reminisce. Such as, do you remember how beautiful mom's flowers were? Or, Didn't my dad have the most infectious laugh? The people left behind need to know and feel their loved one won't be forgotten. Often an individual in grief has a deep fear that their loved one has moved on so far away from them that their spiritual/emotional connection will be severed. If the supporting people around them don't make it comfortable for any type of expression ( including anger, bargaining, depression,etc.) then their fear is being fed. We can't band aid the pain, but we can listen with a compassionate heart. We can safely bring up the individual that crossed over in our conversations. I know for me personally when my mom passed from cancer, I found it to be extremely healing to be able to bring her up without people acting uncomfortable. If a person in grief is forced into a corner to deal with the hurt on their own then their grief process will take much longer to move through. This doesn't mean that we should obsess over their mention, but find a happy medium. The next time you are in a place of support for someone in grief don't allow the elephant through the front door. The only guests should be sympathy, empathy, love, and compassion. :)
Love and light,
Chantal