Go ahead and turn on the television or open up to your favorite browser and you'll find anything and everything that relates to the holidays right now. Food, gifts, vacations, and decorating ideas, but you won't find much advertisement on how to handle good ol holiday grief! I'm speaking of the kind of grief one experiences in connection to deeply missing someone that has passed into the afterlife. The holidays are a tough time when you've endured such a loss. Even if many years have gone by, the holiday season can be extremely tough on the family and friends that were left behind. I believe the reason this time of year pulls on one's heart strings a bit more than the ordinary times is that this is the time of year when we come together with family and friends, and suddenly the absence of that someone special becomes much more noticeable. It's definitely more difficult during the holidays to try and move beyond the hurt that your significant other, child, mother, father, grandparent, sister, brother,etc. inevitably left you with upon their departure from this world. You quietly take notice as to who isn't sitting at the dinner table with everyone else that is laughing, eating, drinking and having a dandy time. Suddenly the wound that has been bandaged up becomes exposed. Something I would like to share with you is that togetherness draws our loved ones from the other side into our energy as we commune with our family and friends! The sad thing is we often pretend that we aren't hurting, or that we aren't missing that special person. Often grief is treated like a virus, no one wants to catch it so we don't go around spreading our hurt amongst others. We are socially guided to put on the happy face and be jolly. But you know what? Your loved one(s) deserve to be honored. Just as you deserve to feel comfortable in mentioning their absence. You should reminisce about them because they are still alive, just in another form beyond our true understanding. How would you like to go to a family function and be ignored? I am not saying you should give them their own seat at the table with a place setting!! There are healthy ways to bring them into the holiday celebration, and honor the love you shared in this lifetime.
It's about keeping the memories alive, and allowing healing to take place for the living. I'd like to share some ideas that can be added into any holiday celebration easily and can really help a grieving family cope during this time of year.WAYS YOU CAN HONOR AND REMEMBER DEPARTED LOVED ONES
- Sit around a table or simply get in a circle with friends and family. Have someone start with either (their choice) I remember when so and so......OR the thing I miss most about so and so.......OR....My favorite holiday memory with so and so....(work clockwise)
- Put out a magnetic picture board or felt board and ask everyone ahead of time to bring a picture to share, and then talk about the time in the photo and share those memories!
- Give each person present a candle. Moving clockwise around the room, and have each person light a candle in honor/memory of the deceased. After lighting the candle say something like I was grateful to know so and so, or My favorite memory of so and so is...you get the point. At the end of the candle lighting have someone say a prayer for the people present wishing everyone good health, happiness, love, etc.
- We like to honor my mom by doing a shot of Bailey's because that was her favorite holiday drink. A toast is always a nice way to commemorate someone that has passed on.
- If your family likes to dance, play their favorite music. Dance and be merry!
- Have everyone bring a dish of his or her favorite food or be creative and come up with your own idea based around your own family traditions.
The point of all this is to make this person(s) a part of your celebration and remove the so called "elephant" in the room. This helps everyone become comfortable with talking about the individual that is not on the earth plane any longer. Sometimes people don't feel it is "ok" to bring them up because it might cause pain. Trust me, you will all be laughing and crying but it will be a great time!
You wouldn't believe the healing that can come from such simple exercises like the ones above.
Blessings and love,
Chantal
